Lets talk: periods


Periods are what affect half the population of mammals on planet earth for a significant part of their life, once a month. If you are a male person then you will most commonly know this time as “the time of the month” or something you believe is happening when a woman disagrees with something you have said or has an opinion.

A little side note but I always find it very entertaining talking about periods in front of men, they find it such a taboo topic and I simply just can’t comprehend why. Here’s a story for you: my place of work is dominated by men, the type of men who worship football and talk about women as objects. One day these men were discussing what to do when you’re in a swimming pool and you get a boner. There were five of them discussing this and I was the only female in the room, just desperately trying to get on with my work. However, my ears were being tortured with this conversation. Their solution, if you are wondering, if to simply “stick it in the waistband of your shorts”. A bit much for a Thursday morning don’t you think? It hadn’t even reached 11 am yet. So, them discussing this slightly disgusting topic was perfectly normal for these men, however, I once brought up my period, something that is completely natural, nothing wrong with it at all and I was greeted with grimaces and was told to not talk about it. Oh, the rudeness. Of course, I didn’t shut up about it, I then went to talk into deep details of the functions and process of a period which resulted in several of the men walking away from me. What a score. Fun story for you there. Got to love a classic man haven’t you.

To continue:

Not only are periods pain in the arse, and the uterus, they are a natural function of the female body and are also an inconvenience which comes with numerous side symptoms that people seem to overlook.

Some common symptoms include:

    The desire to consume all of the food in sight
    Unwanted friends that appear on our face and are persistent in staying
    The feeling that someone has pumped your entire body with air
    Emotions that are as stable as the UK government
    A general feeling of shittiness

The majority of people who are blessed or cursed, depending on what way you want to look at it, will experience these symptoms when they are due on their period or are bleeding like a waterfall. However, as no persons body is the same, you can imagine that not every person’s reaction to a hormone change is the same, I for one can vouch for this. Whenever my period is due, my body and mood flips like a gymnast and it scares me, never mind my poor parents who have to live with me. So please, let me tell you about my extra symptoms of “that time of the month”. You may too experience some of these, which in that case, just now you are not alone, I feel ya sister and if you don’t then please just enjoy my pain and discomfort. (I’m not going to lie, I’m due on my period right now so I just want to vent and complain about my problems.)

Extra symptoms include:

  • The regular feeling that you want to just die, like really what is the point? I mean I feel this the majority of the time, but during this time, damn that bell will just not stop ringing.
  • Paranoia, paranoia and a little bit more paranoia, especially if you leave the house and are worried you’ve got a huge blood stain on your pants despite literally wearing like 4 nappies,
  • Excessive hair growth, particularly the face. Literally, feel like I’m growing a prepubescent beard (love my PCOS)
  • Lack of body positivity due to bloatedness, which in my case leads me to want to exercise for 3 hours after eating anything that doesn’t come from the ground or a tree
  • Itchiness in the downstairs region – mainly due to the inability to wear tampons so have to use sanitary towels of doom
  • Restless sleep
  • Extremely painful hips that wake me up in the night as it feels like someone has a hold of my hip bone and is trying to yank it from my skeleton.
  • The need for my surroundings to be clean, tidy and perfectly organised. I swear the number of times I’ve rearranged my bedroom due to it not “feeling right” would scare you.

That’s just what I can think of right now, I’m sure my body will throw a few more curveballs in there soon enough. These extra inconveniences may be due to my poor mental health, my PCOS or my slight hormone imbalance, but I can tell you the week before my period, they all hit me in the vagina and it is hell. Of course it is all over after a few days, or in my case a week, but still, like can you not.

If you too, feel down or irritated during “the time of the month” just know that I and many, many people and animals feel you sister. And although it is a major inconvenience to our lives and truly annoying that men do not have to suffer or rarely have sympathy, just remember, we women are strong. We have survived a patriarchal society since the beginning of time, the witch trials and living under the reign of Margaret Thatcher – we can do this.

Periods are not like they advertise on adverts unless you’re a perfect human being, you know who you are, they are messy and they are tiresome and come with all the symptoms and more. But we are women, we are everyone born with a uterus and we can do this.



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